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04/01/08 DIY HOME CLEAN FEED KIT

What is NetAlarmed?

NetAlarmed is the Australian Government's new Internet filtering technology. Unlike previous Internet safety campaigns such as NetAlert, NetAlarmed levels the balance between safety and freedom.

Set for introduction in all Australian homes, workplaces, schools and libraries in 2008, this website aims to inform how NetAlarmed will protect you and your family.

Contact NetAlarmed

Most recent websites blocked for your protection:

SomethingAwful.com: Abhorrent content
FaceBook: Obscene profiles
WarGamerAu: Realistic war simulation
YouTube.com: Violent videos
MySpace.com: Violent videos, gay and lesbian profiles, anti-government music
Flickr.com: Pornographic images
Google Image Search: Pornographic images
IMDB.com: Violent and pornographic descriptions
MTV.com: Sexual content

Mr Conroy's Top 5 Shocking Internet Facts:

There are more criminals on the Internet than there are in all seven continents
More males use the Internet than females
The Harry Potter ending was revealed early on the Internet, resulting in childhood depression and in return, childhood obesity
Pornography available on the Internet is responsible for over 58% of crimes1
P Platers use the Internet whilst driving at speeds of over 356Kbs

NetAlarmed blacklists:

Pornography
Violence
Sex education
Drug education
Health information
Gay and lesbian information
Minority religious beliefs
Terrorists
Anti-Government sites
YouTube and MySpace
File Sharing

Reality of Internet Censorship

Even with a censored Internet, your children are not protected. As a parent, monitor your child's web activity today so when they turn 18, they don't have to ask you, what was the Internet.

Visit these websites for more information on how you can stop censorship:

Petitions:
Sign this petition against mandatory Internet filtering in Australia

Organisations:
- Electronic Frontiers Australia
- EFA on Mandatory Filtering

Join these Action Groups:
- No-Censorship Discussion Group
- Australian ISP filtering plan is stupid (FaceBook)
- No Australian Internet Censorship (FaceBook)
- Australians Against The National Filter Plan (FaceBook)

Blogs:
- Somebody Think Of The Children
- Broadbanned Revolution

Websites:
- Internet Censorship & Civil Liberties in Australia
- Libertus.net
- NoCensorship-Australia

Conroy Announces Clean Feed Technology Doesn't End at the Internet

Tips for staying clean at home

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Senator Stephen Conroy shows how to stay clean at home

Senator Conroy shows Sky News viewers how to implement a Clean Feed into their everyday lives. Here he shows how to close your eyes when going to the toilet. The chance of off-spray is worth it.

JANUARY 3, 2008, CANBERRA - Minister for Internets, Senator Conroy, today announced that his Clean Feed technology didn't have to end when people turned off their computers. Speaking to Sky News viewers, Mr Conroy listed several easy steps all Australians can follow to feel safe in knowing his filtering technology was with them every minute of the day.

"Filth available on the Internet doesn't stop at the Internet" Mr Conroy said. "From the moment you step out of bed, to the moment you close your eyes, obscenity can invade your life at any second."

"Take for instance every time you shower -- What isn't on show? I found an easy solution and that was sticky taping a paper silhouette of my body to the bathroom mirror. Now I know at least when I'm in the privacy of my own home, I'm not going to have naked flesh shoved in my face."

Other tips Mr Conroy suggested include:

1) Close your eyes when using the toilet. Sure you may get a little bit wet, but the payoff is you don't see any naughty bits.

2) Avoid places of temptation! Checkout lanes in large supermarkets like Coles and Woolworths are full of magazines with devil flesh on display. Until these stores provide a Clean Checkout alternative, do your grocery shopping online (where not banned).

3) Ask your partner to wear clothes when making love. If they refuse, suggest you both wear a pair of swimming goggles with the lenses blacked out. For increased passion, you might also try inserting a family photograph of your loved one in each eye socket.

4) Turn off the news. Television news and newspapers are full of violent imagery and stories of politicians trying to sneak through lunatic legislation.

5) Burn your child's library membership card and book collection. If you don't want them to see it on the web, why would you allow them to see it in a book?

Mr Conroy asked all Australians to please email their own tips to his department.

This website is fictional. It is a work of satire in response to Australian Government's absurd Internet censorship policy and the former NetAlert policy. Despite national criticism from industry groups, professionals and citizens, Kevin Rudd and Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy, Stephen Conroy, plan to implement mandatory internet filtering in 2008.

The dangers of Internet censorship outlined here are real. Educate your children about the internet just as you would warn them about the dangers of everyday life. Australia does not require a Government babysitter. Contact NetAlarmed. Please visit my blog, Somebody Think Of The Children if you would like to find out more information about Internet Censorship in Australia or NetAlarmed.